I always thought if I caught him cheating, it would be through a text message or a stray lipstick mark. I never thought it would be a handwritten log of …
Title: The Yeasty Mistress: A Story About Accusing My Boyfriend of Cheating with a Russian Model, Only to Find Out He Was Just Feeding a Jar of Flour Read MoreIt happened on a Tuesday afternoon. I went to the bathroom, expecting a routine visit. I looked down, and my heart stopped. I noticed my urine was pink. Panic didn’t …
Title: The Red Scare: A Story About Writing My Last Will and Testament Because I Ate a Salad Read MoreI was a broken man. My shins were splinted. My feet were blistered. I was pacing around the living room at 11:30 PM like a caged tiger, just trying to …
Title: The Marathon Mutt: A Story About Losing a Walking Competition to a Wife Who Was actually Just Throwing a Tennis Ball Read MoreIt was the kind of scream you usually hear in slasher movies right before the title card drops. It cut through the silence of 3:00 AM, primal and terrified. I …
Title: The Midnight Mauling: A Story About the Night My 250-Pound Husband Was Defeated by a Creature the Size of a Dime Read MoreThe scream was so loud I thought the building was on fire. I dropped my controller and scrambled off the sofa. “Get in here! Now!” I sprinted into the hallway …
Title: The Twenty-Dollar Tycoons: A Story About Planning a Trip to the Maldives, But Settling for a Crunchwrap Supreme Read MoreThe phone lit up on the nightstand, casting a ghostly glow across the room. I wasn’t trying to snoop. I swear. I was just reaching for my water glass. But …
Title: The Galactic Affair: A Story About Thinking My Boyfriend Was Meeting a Mistress, When He Was Actually Just Cheating on Me with the Solar System Read MoreThe silence in our house was heavy. It was the kind of silence that makes guests uncomfortable and neighbors gossip. My best friend, Dave, texted me on day two: “Dude, …
Title: The Diaper Cold War: A Story About a Three-Day Vow of Silence That Ended with a Sneeze and a Dirty Diaper Read MoreIt was 11:58 PM. I was sweating, panting, and covered in mud. The shovel hit the earth with a dull thud that echoed in the silence of the suburbs. I …
Title: The Midnight Mortician: A Story About Being Accused of Murder While Trying to Send a Goldfish to Valhalla Read MoreI was in the middle of a presentation when my phone vibrated against the table. I ignored it. It vibrated again. And again. I apologized to the client and picked …
Title: The Crimson Tide: A Story About Rushing to the ER for an Injury That Could Have Been Treated with a Hello Kitty Sticker Read MoreIt started as a prickle on the back of my neck. The kitchen was empty. The house was silent. But the feeling was undeniable. I froze mid-chew, a slice of …
Title: The Dairy Surveillance State: A Story About Thinking the CIA Was in My Kitchen, Only to Find Out It Was Just a Judgmental Gallon of 2% Read More